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Monday, February 8, 2010

Shaadi Aaj Kal

There is a new dimension to the pre early mid life crisis. Marriage.

The debate between arranged and love marriage has taken an all time high, and the general discontent among the unmarried is growing. Singles, hopeful of finding the so called love or the proverbial "soul-mate" are turning more practical day by day, but at the same time, letting this frustration boil down into their decision making skills. Marriage has always been a pre early mid life dilemma. But , it was probably never more important, as is with this identity fighting generation.

As a teenager, everyone wants to fall in love. And get married with that loved one eventually. But soon, some of us find out, that we are losers in the Darwinian sense; that we cannot find our own partner( I know Darwinism is subverted in these current times, but I think you get the point). Or even simply, some of us realize, we are not quite cut out for commitment and love. The adjustment, the change is too much to be acceptable. But, is that really extinction for us? So here's the deal. On an average, in most probability, if you are to find your soul mate, you are likely to find such a person during your late teens or early twenties. Everything else, after that is purely a compromise and essentially the same. This fact , that everything else is essentially the same, is what I am going to try to explain.

As a teen, you are in college, you find someone there, you get to spend time, really know that person etc etc. The point is, there is an 'option' to spend some 'years' with that person, before you start thinking of engagement and marriage. And if that option is exercised, and if the couple survives, they have said to have found the proverbial soul-mate. But if one has not really 'succeeded' till lets say 24, 25, then the mind starts convincing itself of different people as soul-mates, because it cannot let go of the fact, that it wants to fall in love, and not 'accept' anyone through arranged marriage. This is where the problem begins. Most of the youth have a hidden disregard for arrange marriage. It does not quite fit their already super bloated, falsely justified egos. They nurture this disregard at the cost of pulling a veil over a risk, of committing to a not so compatible person.

At 24, 25, this is what happens. Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy. They both know they are single. Arrange marriage is to be avoided at all costs. So the boy thinks he likes the girl. The girl thinks she probably likes the guy. Now, they both know, at this stage, that they are convincing themselves to like each other, without really liking each other. Looking back, there was hope even at this stage. But they both argue with the tiny 'angel' that pops next to their right ear, that unless one of them takes a chance, how would they know if they are a fit for each other ? The 'devil' has already started smiling at the left ear. So , they take a chance. They slowly convince themselves, that the other person was destined to die with them. Live with them at least, for starters. A lot of Shah Rukh Khan movies are seen, and Taylor Swift songs are heard. Life is good. It was never better. Until the intermission.

21 st century, along with the fact that an age of 24,25 brings in other responsibilities, hardly gives any time to continue the movie the same way after interval. I am not saying it doesn't work, but, its extremely difficult, to make it work, while the girl and the boy are in different countries, states, cities or even zip code, or simply just living two different lifestyles, or professions. They cannot ever get the same time, like a couple in their late teens or early twenties would get, to know each other, fight with each other, be surprised at each other, hate each other, and fall in love with each other all over again,3 times a week at least. Well, some people fight, by trying to keep it alive by emails, phone calls, and texting, but it ends some day. AT&T does not have a cheap texting plan. The result? The intelligence kicks in, and the girl and the boy realize that they probably cannot ever invest in the relationship enough. Either or both start losing interest in each other. Also because their egos do not let them neglect other things in life as well. Many a times, a friend's good looking spouse, or a friend's good looking girlfriend/boyfriend ,or any other self justified reason, makes them think that they can and should shoot for something better as well. This reinforces their current thought that they have probably compromised, and it distances themselves from the relationship even further. And they realize that they are as susceptible to like the next girl and the boy , who even remotely smiles at them. Often, friendships are rushed through, so fast , that they cease to exist. This is what brings me to arrange marriage.

A typical scenario again. Probably 4-5 choices. More if you are a Gujju. One choice is picked. The boy and the girl start talking, texting, and eventually calling each other. Ah, the courtship period is beautiful , where each tries to impress the other knowingly, and the other lets it happen, again knowingly. The families have already signaled green. So, these two, the new pair of girl and boy, catch up with each other pretty fast, especially when the the intention itself is to be compatible and ultimately get married. Now, lets say, after a month or two of courtship, this new pair is at a comfort level, which would be equivalent to the comfort level of lets say, the girl and boy in the discussion above, the pair which has tried to "fall " in love, and tried to build a relationship, lets say for 4-5 months or even almost a year.

So, if they are equivalent, on what basis, is the person supposed to decide , whether he should chose the person he tried to fall in love with and is probably a compromise, or the person he met through the arrange marriage channel, which is also a different compromise? Its equivalent. Neither is real love. The person would have fallen in love with the arrange marriage suitor as well, if he or she was the one they had met before. And this is especially true, because, after the age of 24.25, 'love' is a compromise, and a 'calculation'. The family is checked, the finances are checked, the looks are checked, and rest of the things on the list are checked. If you get all check marks, you fall in love. Its that simple. Why shouldn't the person go for the arrange marriage option? At least the arrange marriage option has resolved basic compatibility and family issues. Or should he go with an option of "the person he chose" just to get a sense of "self achievement" ?

In fact, because of these very check marks, and the general tendency to become more compatible to make the marriage work, arrange marriages could have a higher success rate, than the pre early mid life "love marriages". There are less surprises. Egos have already accepted each other. Finances are sorted out. The families are happy and prone to adjust. And the truth is, love can grow here as well. If a person can fall in love at 24, or convince himself that he has, he can definitely fall in love with his spouse, even though it is after marriage. After all, what would make a love marriage work, is often, the same thing, which would make an arranged marriage work. The order in which that was realized is not important in the long run. Its important that the thing which makes marriages work is realized at all.

In fact, because of the equivalence of two scenarios above, each scenarios itself become questionable about the person's integrity. There is none. If one realizes, that given the right circumstances, after 24,25, he or she can pretty much like or fall in love with any suitable person, he should realize its a compromise in the first place.

True love is practically proverbial. If not, it at least takes time, like all things in nature. Don't rush through it. Don't convince yourself for it. Don't make yourself helpless, frustrated, and disgusting, for it. Give it time. Give you friend the time. If it stays, its yours to enjoy. But if it doesn't, you would at least not lose a friend. Go through being a friend first , before becoming a soul mate. Its a necessary, but often neglected stage in the 'rushed love'. Sadly, sometimes the friendship exists, because something else is desired. So, if you are not in your late teens, or early twenties, or not physically close to your girlfriend/boyfriend, better start accepting things will not be good on the 'finding love' front. They might not be even a bad fairytale. They could be a nightmare for all you know. But anyway, if you choose to follow the rat race, which is not wrong by the way, don't fret over it. Its not extinction. Arrange marriages work. Their very design makes them work.

We should enjoy the Valentine's day though. I am not against love. Neither am I a orange flag bearer, who wants to assault women in pubs. Hope and wish to fall in love, but do not regret if you don't. Do not fret if you don't. Its not a right. Its a random privilege. Love is heaven. Love is fantastic. Love is wonderful. Love is cloud # 9.5. Love is enlightening. Love is life. Love is hope. Love is pure. Love is good. Yes.

But Love is also highly overrated. Love Marriages, more so.

As my favorite SRK said
"
Mohabbat ke jamane gujar gaye jaanab,
Mohabbat ke jamane gujar gaye jaanab,
Ab ,chotey motey pyar se hi kaam chala lijiye aap " :):)

Nachiket Mehta
9th Day of Feb 10 

Saturday, September 5, 2009

His The Throne

The music grows to a crescendo. The girls dance with more vigor.The mom looks behind her back, with a knowing look in her eyes. And then, the jet black helicopter, starting from its whirling blades, slowly comes into full view. Shah Rukh Khan, by then the son every middle aged woman in the movie hall wishes for, sprints to his eager mom. A teardrop doesn't fail to roll off her eyes.Behold. Her son has arrived.


Or if this is not classy enough, picture this. Lush green lawns in the foregrounds of a huge academy. A white, marble, dome shaped structure somewhere . Chilly winter. And on one single black chair inside that marble dome, Shah Rukh Khan romanticizes the world with his violin. Love is in the air. Why just the three students, the whole world suddenly falls in love.

Just another shot from K3G or Mohabbatein, but one which is typical of Shah Rukh Khan. Grand entry, larger and full of life attitude, and captivating the viewers to such an extent, that it instills hope and excitement about themselves when they watch him. And I have not even started mentioning DDLJ.

You know how those statements are, about how the world is divided into two parts..blah blah. Well, in this case, the world is actually divided into 3 parts. Ones who like SRK, ones who do not, and the ones who do, but cannot show that they like him ,for some reason. We do not know where Karan Johar lies, but that apart, the third category is interesting, and surprisingly pretty big. Guys often hate SRK because its not a guy thing to like his mushy movies, or some engineers often hate him because its not a engineer's thing to be sentimental. Why don't people accept it ? Probably some disturbed childhood trauma makes them run away from sentimental and emotional stuff. But I have had a guy confess, that he actually does like him, but "log majak udate hai, isliye main batata nahi hoon". While I was writing this blog, I came across another one, about our typical (read "desi") characteristics. A totally sarcastic and hilarious take on our habits, I cannot but help mention this specific article from it - "I hate SRK".

I have myself often thought, why do I like him? The arguments people make against him are not entirely baseless, then why does he have a ridiculous fan following ? Well, I think,may be because we all secretly do like him. "Har kisi ke dil mein, kahi na kahi, ek SRK chupa hota hai". A Delhi guy. Rose to fame with his own efforts. Started with television initially, so lets accept he knows a thing or a two about acting. His first love ,Gauri ,pulled him to Mumbai for the first time. But then , there was no looking back. Since then, he has been romanticizing every heroine, and giving one movie per young generation, for them to dream with, to dance with, to get nostalgic with, and to carry the "Rahul" in them forever.

"Kabhi Haa Kabhi Na", was one of my first movies ever ,seen in the theatres. And may be, that is the reason SRK is my favorite. But apart from his on screen presence, I think I am probably a fan of his persona in general.It might seem ironic, but I think SRK is one of the most honest guys around, as far as his role as an actor is concerned. He has accepted that he is a peoples' man. And he gives it back to them, the way they want it. Being an actor, he realises that media is what helped make him, and media is what he can connect to the masses with. He never shuns the media. Nor does he shun any award functions. He has willingly accepted the commercialness of his profession. And he uses it to his benefit , instead of cribbing about it, and trying to be intelligent about it, and complaining about things such as absence of personal life. He has willingly accepted that he would have very little personal life, and that is the price he would have to pay for his stardom.Never into politics, and never into controversies relating personal relationships. Nevertheless, I think he has been pretty successful family man too. He is intelligent and smart when he talks. Listen to any of his interviews.They are exciting and one would appreciate his ready wit, sharpness and body language. Technically savvy himself, he is constantly endeavouring to bring technical skills to the Hindi film industry, and is constantly taking his production house,"Red Chillies" to the next level. No wonder, he is known as the most powerful person in the industry, and the only one to be adored by Dilip Kumar, Amitabh Bachhan both and envied by all the newcomers alike. Everyone wants to debut with him. Everyone wants a clip with him.

One interviewer described his meeting with SRK pretty dramatically. He mentioned , that when SRK gives an interview, albeit only for 5 minutes, he makes sure that the interviewer is the only person in the world that matters to him. He treats the interviewer like a king. But when the 5 minutes are over, all that is left is smoke from his cigarette, and you can see SRK fade away in that smoke back to his world. Do not get me wrong, I do like Amir Khan movies. He is an excellent actor in his own realm. But given a choice, to meet any one , just for 5 minutes, I would choose SRK.

I recently commented to a friend, that it is difficult for me to completely hate a movie. I am a hardcore movie buff. The director would have to try really hard to make such a film that I would totally not approve of. Which essentially means I watch any movie that is being made, or comes my way. But still, the anticipation of a Shah Rukh Khan movie, is something different. The anticipation is not of 3 hours of entertainment, but a ride into the world, where you might play a character. May be , you dare to play him.

We can see the transition from Rahul to the character roles that he plays these days. I think he has proved beyond doubt, to the people who even doubted, that he can act. He has been a actor who is capable of delivering "hangover" movies. Meaning, movies,which leave you thinking about them long after they are over. Movies , which leave you dreaming long after they are over. Well, as I write this, I am craving for a similar movie from him again. And I really wish , like a true fan, that there is enough reason, for everything that happened at the Newark airport recently. And that it was not a cheap publicity stunt. Because SRK has a lot at stake to resort to this cheap stunt. Because it took a real long time and hard work to reach where he has. Because he is far too intelligent to use the minority card. And because I have not seen Chidambaram and Sashi Tharoor speak up for anyone so directly and immediately. I do not know what has been not told, but , unless proved otherwise, I believe SRK.

Is it only his movies that we enjoy, or is it also talking about him that we fans enjoy more? Oh, we love to hail him, and oh, we love so much to argue for him. I could have become a millionaire by now, if SRK gave me 1c each time I spoke for him. We love to hear the ignorant Amir fans. We love to see how close we are to the truth, but we are also disappointed to see that the world needs awakening. We are appalled to see the fruitless pursuits of the thinking masses. We ache to see that the rightful king, has to condescend to the likes of "others" to claim his throne. He is the Tendulkar of the entertainment industry. Amir is like Dravid. Probably better techniqued. But SRK is whom I would pay to watch. Because somehow, I get a feeling ,that when Dravid plays, its his mind which is involved, but when SRT plays, or when SRK performs, its a matter of the heart. And I would always like to put my money on the heart, rather than on the mind.

On a serious note, I do not care if SRK hams. I do not care if he seems repetitive in his roles. I do not care if he seems pompous.I do not care if he passes of as vain. I do not care if he got a bag full of cash to get a Filmfare. He gives me what I want from a movie, rather than give me what I think I want from a movie. He is a sure shot ticket to the world of entertainment and fantasy. And that is all that I want. I am aam junta, or "mango people", as Saif puts it in Love Aaj Kal. I do not want to be intelligent about my movies,about whom I like as an actor. I do not want this choice of mine to reflect my thinking in any way.And also because it is hardly of any consequence to anyone else, apart from me. It is not a matter of any big concern, like for e.g our views on abortion, or are we pro choice or not? That is something which would probably shape the future society.Debate on that, think about that. Have a side to choose from on that. But SRK vs Amir? Seriously,whats there to think about ? Why is there even a question?Why is Amir even an option?

Nachiket Mehta
5th Day of Sept 09
Josh mein;hum bhi hai !

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Hipnaughtyic Realm

Most of you out there , must have debated, sometime or the other, whether hypnosis is real or not. And further, must have made a mental note "Ha !.. I cannot ever get hypnotized. Its for the weak ". I was of the same opinion, until I saw an amazing performance. Jason Mystic was the performer. Well, I was not any of his subjects, but there were some amazing curious interesting weird things in his performance which struck me.

It was supposed to be "comedy" hypnosis show, which meant, that nothing went overboard. Jason took care of that. But then, while we were enjoying our food before the show, he was already there, scanning us, and making a mental note of who would be his probable subjects. Once on stage, he made us perform a simple exercise. He told us to do something ,verbally, but then himself did some thing else,actually. For e.g he said "put your fist to your cheek". And then he would actually put it to his chin. And we , who were following him, did the same. But there were some, who did put their fist to their cheek. And those were the guys he was looking out for. He wanted those subjects who would respond to his vocal commands.

I wouldn't mention the usual stuff that these hypnotists do, but I found 2-3 things particularly interesting. He had these two people, a guy and a girl, under deep trance. How he did that, is a different question altogether, and equally intriguing, but he managed to get his bunch of subjects in various "zones" of hypnotic control. Which essentially meant, that these subjects were alive and responsive, aware of us, the audience too, but they would listen and do only what Jason said. It was like having the control from your own mind shut off momentarily, and let it be controlled by something else.

He told the guy, that he was , from now on, an interpreter of Martian languages. And he told the girl, that she could speak only Martian. Both nodded to what he said, and assumed the roles he gave them. Jason asked the guy "So, you know Martian, eh? How long have you known Martian?".The guy replies to Jason, in English "For 18 years now. I can speak in 52 different dialects of Martian". This was amazing. Jason said he had never heard such an answer before. Then he told the guy to ask the girl where she was from . The guy spoke to the girl in some incomprehensible language, which was his version of Martian. The girl replied in an equally "woo maan fchiow juaa fooo teenii krree" language, which was her own version of Martian. Hearing back the reply, the guy told Jason that the girl said she is from a small town on Mars !! This continued for some time.At one point, the guy complained that the girl is speaking a dialect he can't understand, but for most of their conversation, the guy was speaking Martian, the girl was replying Martian, and the guy was translating that back to English! By Martian, I mean incomprehensible ,deep, gurgling like sounds.

How was this possible ?. I mean, prior to being told that they can understand Martian, these people had not even heard what they spoke. They had no idea about Martian, or the questions they would be asked.But still the guy said he has been doing this for 18 years and knows 52 dialects?This was something created by his own mind, in response to what Jason said. It was like, if he knew Martian, this is how he would want the reality to be. 18 years of experience and 52 dialects!

Secondly, the Martian that they both supposedly spoke seemed to be different dialects. But they both carried on perfectly sane conversation. By this, I mean that he used to translate back a logically correct answer to the question he had asked in Martian, and was replied to in Martian. I mean, a question about a living place, would get back a name of a place as an answer, and not the name of a person etc. How was this possible? Obviously, Jason was the link. When he used to tell the guy to ask the girl "ask her where does she come from", this used to be English. And must have been heard by both the girl and the boy, subconsciously. I say subconsciously, because, at the current conscious level, they were speaking Martian, and could not have understood it( except of course for the boy, who being a interpreter,knew English as well). But once they subconsciously understood the question, whatever the girl replied back in Martian, he would assume or feel he understood it, and give back a logically correct answer which was actually his own making. There is no way he could have actually understood what the girl spoke

The reason for this example, is because I want to point out the amazing mind,which indeed is conscious at so many levels at the same time. And it used the information from another level of consciousness , for processing the information at the current level of consciousness. And even more surprising is that this exchange of information happened seamlessly, and effortlessly and logically.

One more interesting example was where he asked a bunch of guys under hypnotic trance to assume that they were kids about to visit a "pet zoo", a zoo where they can touch animals. He said that we, the audience, were the animals. And he let them free for some time amongst us to go and touch us. These bunch of "kids", came and touched us on the head, were excited, called each other, made sounds of glee, and went back to some other "animal". This went on for some time, before Jason called them back. He then asked each one of them , to name their favorite animal and point to it. One of the guys pointed to a guy on our table, and said he liked that "rhinoceros". One more pointed out to someone else saying he liked that "billy goat". I was astonished. The reason is, that the faces of these pointed people, resembled , in an animation sense, the animals that they were told to be!

I mean the billy goat guy, had a long face, had slightly pointed ears, and had slightly the low hanging goat beard! If you had asked a non hypnotised guy to name an animal that resembled that guy, he would have probably come up with the same answer. Or if you had told someone to draw an animal caricature for that billy goat person, he would have drawn the face of billy goat !The rhinoceros guy had the haircut, face and eyes which would have made him an animated rhinoceros as well. There was one more, who was told to be a "teddy bear". He had a round face, and fluffy hair, which again would have made him look like one in an animated version of himself.

Again, the mind used the information we have of animations and real animals, subconsciously, to make a new image of the people they were actually seeing, to perceive them as animals that they liked. This is extraordinary . This is the same way the mind would use exactly the same information I mentioned ,to draw an animal caricature of someone. Again a seamless exchange of information, even when the purpose changed.

This reiterates, that indeed, what we have been hearing that the mind is capable of much more than we ever put it to use to, is very very true. We hardly use all the information our mind is capable of processing. We are trying hard to push the boundaries of neuro stimulation to understand what goes on in there. This has so longed intrigued us,that we can see the desire to understand our mind, and an effort to fathom it,master it, in all facets of our life. Including movies. For Matrix lovers, this translates into what Morpheus told Neo - "Don't think you can, know you can " ! Advertisements use our subconscious mind all the time. It might not be surprising to find, once we are voluntarily able to access our subconscious mind, that it is filled with one liners from all the advertisements. Good leaders and orators have been doing what the hypnotists do for a long long time. Brainwashing, is scientific after all. Hitler, has been said to have this effect on millions of people when he spoke. Religious leaders across the world, use this to their advantage. Religion, is so superficial, that the fact that it might require a subconscious mind to accept it, is indeed disheartening. And it would be even more disheartening , if we are able to explain "love" when we start understanding the mind.It would be extremely disappointing, to know ,that love was after all, a type of hypnosis.Have you ever thought why you know, when you meet the right person, that he or she is the right person? Because the Martian in you, is communicating with the Martian in the other, and yelling that "its me" .

I am amazed with the mind. I hope someday, the human mind, can fathom itself. After the show, Jason wanted to thank the participants. As a gesture of appreciation, for their willingness to participate, he told them, when they were still under his trance, that henceforth , they would be able to read and understand 20 % faster than they currently do.And then he took them out of hypnotic hold. He then told, that in fact, contrary to what we might think that these people are weak, because they could go under his hypnotic control so easily, he said that these people were in fact better at concentration, because they could go into hypnosis, only because they could shut out everything else except his voice commands. If this is true, I would want to get that gift as well. After all, as they say, its all in the mind.

Nachiket Mehta
18th July 09

Friday, February 6, 2009

Committed Compatibilty Coefficient

Necessity is the mother of invention,they say. 

Have you ever been one of those , where you did not know why you were in a certain place at a certain time? Did you ever feel out of place just because the rest of the people around you are talking on the phone with their girlfriends and/or boyfriends? Were you there ever , when all the logic in the world seemed to fail , where a "couple" was concerned? Did you ever see any of your previously respected friends, lose all the respect you had for them after they became committed? Or were you in a dilemma ever, if you should join a particular group of people , in their social plans, trying to think whether you would gel in or not?

Well, I have been in plenty of these scenarios, and if you have ever been single in your life,surrounded by "committed"/"its complicated" kind of people, you would know how it feels. I was once wondering if I should accept a particular social invitation, and pondering over this on my bus ride home. Thats when I thought, why not have a measurable figure of merit to make this decision.?Its too taxing on my small "single" brain anyway! One thing led to another, and after hours of unfunded research, and studying of special cases, I came up with C3- the Committed Compatibility Coefficient

The following text is extremely readable and demands no prerequisites except the will to understand the truth. And fractions, which you learnt in 5th grade. Examples covering the most common cases are also published to aid the reader in understanding the concepts faster. 

C3  =  1 - P

C3 is actually the compatibility coefficient for "singles",and obviously, P is the coefficient for the complimentary set, the "committed" people. In most cases, C3 is what matters most, but just to be clear, in a rare case of population inversion, where there are less committed people in a group of many single people, they also, theoretically feel left out, and might want to calculate this "P" factor.

P is defined by 

P =   C             where,
      ----
       T
C : Number of committed people in the group
T: Total number of people in the group.

Now you must be thinking, this is basic! But more is coming, and it is necessary to establish the foundation.
Lets take an example. Let there be 5 people in a social group. Let their names me Tom ,Dick,Harry, and Sita ,Gita. Let 3 people out of this group be committed. Say Dick, Harry and Sita are committed and Tom ,Gita are single. Hence P would be 3/5 and hence C3 would be 1 - 3/5 = 2/5.  This should be the compatibility coefficient for Tom and Gita to the group.  3/5 i.e P would be the compatibility of Dick, Harry and Sita  to the group.

It is easy to see, and even intuitive to imagine practically, that if 4 people were committed, lets say Gita too was committed, then Tom would have felt more weird in that group. This "more weird" can be easily seen through C3, as now, P would be 4/5 and C3 would be 1/5. Now 1/5 is definitely smaller than previous C3 which was 2/5 . Hence the compatibility of Tom went down, as expected.  
Also interesting to see is that P went up , which agrees with the other practical observation, that the compatibility of "committed" people goes up when they are in similar crowd. Essentially because everyone seems to be doing the same stupid things, and no one seems to mind anyone else. They are in their own world.

Now there is one more effect to be modeled in the formula.  We all know that if , out of the committed people in a group, there is a "couple" there itself, the uncomfortness of the "single" person further increases. This is because, the "couple" behave, like they are a separate entity in itself. Mathematically, it adds a virtual person to the group, and to the number of total committed people too. Or, to put it simply, the P factor gets modified to 

P =   C + Nc
       --------
      T + Nc
Nc: Number of "couples" or "pairs" in the group.
C and T mean the same thing as previously.

Example again. Lets now assume, that except Tom, everyone is committed. So , the basic formula gives the C3 value for Tom as 1/5 as seen above. But what if Harry and Sita are committed? The incompatibility of Tom to the group has to go up. Nc = 1 in this case. Hence the new P factor is (4+1)/(5+1) = 5/6 and the new "corrected" C3 value for Tom is 1 - P = 1/6.  It is easy to see that the corrected C3 value 1/6 is less than the basic first order approximation of 1/5, which agrees with the practical observations that Tom must be feeling more out of place.
Corollary: If a social group involves finite number of distinct couples, each one of the social group is completely compatible to the rest of the group.

This can be easily verified, even by first approximation. But, this proves that the second order approximation is correct too. A group involving only couples means its a  group with even number of people. Lets say 6. Hence 3 couples. So , according to first approximation, the P factor is 6/6 which is "1". Remember , that for "committed" category, the compatibility is given by P and not C3. Now, by the revised formula, P is again (6+ 3/6+3) = 1 !

You must have observed how married /committed people plan picnics and get-togethers together. There is hardly any "single" person involved.And that is the best thing to do. Each person in that group feels comfortable, with he/she being concerned only about his/her partner , who , obviously is also there. Also, in all these cases,  C3 will be tending to zero . Hence , such a social invitation would turn out to be pretty dangerous for "single" people. They should avoid C3 values below .2 under all circumstance, or it might leave deep lasting scars on their mind, with consequences as ghastly as they permanently being "single".

Also, logically, it makes sense for singles to go in for a social group of C3 values more than .5, as there are chances of other opposite sex(same sex for some) single persons being in the group. 

And this brings us to the next degree of approximation. And this is interesting.Imagine a situation, where in a group, a set of people are not really seeing each other, but one of them wants something to work out between them .He/she might have , lets say, a crush on the other. In these cases, the person convinces himself/herself that he/she might be compatible to the group even if they are not. For e.g  if in the set of 5 people mentioned,  Tom has a crush on Sita.  Even though he might find the group boring,he still might go in for a movie plan, because he wants to have a chance with Sita. So, assuming Harry and Gita are a couple, Dick is committed, Sita and Tom are single , by the second order approximation which was explained earlier, the C3 value for Tom was 1 - (3+1)/(5+1) =2/6 = 1/3 .

The revised P factor now is 
P =  C + Nc -Ni          where
      -------------
         T + Nc
Ni is the number of people in the group you are "interested" in. 
Interested could mean different things for different people .Rest of the things mean the same.

So the new P is (3 +1 -1)/(5+1) = 3/6 and the new C3 values for Tom is 1/2 . Wow..the compatibility of Tom to the group did increase, and he might actually go for the movie! In real life too..Tom would have. It is important to note that, the denominator still has T + Nc term, because unlike in previous case, the total number of people did not virtually change. This P factor holds as long as P is positive. If Ni becomes more than C+Nc, then ideally, C3 factor should be assumed to be 1. Readers are left to interpret this on their own. 
I think this level of approximation is enough for the "single" layman  out there, waiting for some answers from the heavens above. A lot more research is going on, because as you already know and have experienced, relationships are amazingly complex. There might be cases of a social group where there is a couple, and one of the persons of the couple is attracted to someone else in the group who is single . Take that! And what if they are of the same sex. Beat that! Modelling all that in the C3 values will take years of funded research. Till then , this amateur work, done solely with the intention of serving the public, with noblest of intentions, should suffice. Any question , suggestions, corrections to the modelling are welcome. We all want to together make this world a better place for "single" people. My roommate Gagan, has been my best critic. He might be instrumental in taking this research to the next level. My thanks to him.

So to summarize, the C3 value which is the compatibility coefficient for a "single" person to the group is 

C3 = 1 -P
P =  C + Nc -Ni
      -------------
        T + Nc
T:   Total number of people in the social group.
C:   Total committed people in the social group.
Nc: Number of couples in the social group 
Ni:  Number of people you are "interested" in , in the social group.
P:  Committed person's compatibility to the social group.

So, singles, go walk into this world, with your head held high, and the C3 value calculated.

Nachiket Mehta
Single
14th Feb 2009

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Mis-Guided Adventure

Chapter 1:

Our car seemed to be rooted to the spot. No matter how hard we accelerated, it did not seem to be willing to budge. The deep smell of burning rubbers hit our noses, and we knew something was terribly wrong. I opened the car door only to realize the door was marginally scrapping across a sheet of ice.

Looking back at that incident not so long ago, I am reminded of a line from one of my favorite books, "Shantaram", which goes like " Best qualities called up quickly in a crisis are often hardest to find in prosperous calm". And now I truly understand what the author meant. I was a live spectator to these very qualities emerging around me, in my friends, in the few unnamed faces that helped me get back from where I can write this, and probably in me too.

Looking even further back, where this story actually starts, it was supposed to be an usual thanksgiving break.I had planned to originally join the group of friends going to LA,obviously because its LA. I had uncomfortably declined coming to Houghton,Michigan, assuming that that place would not be very different from Minneapolis, my current location, in spite of a huge number of friends there. But the LA plan got canceled, due to the usual reasons why a plan gets canceled, and those people decided to go to Milwaukee in Wisconsin. Pondering over how uninteresting Milwaukee would be, I changed my mind to again go to Houghton, expecting to at least catch up with a lot of friends. Karthikk enthusiastically pitched in, and we decided to drive to Houghton, to which would be an amazing road trip.

The Houghton trip had all I could ask from a place. Right from awesome natural beauty, to a small town homely and simple feel, Houghton had everything.Seriously, I do not know why I even thought it would be the same as Minneapolis.It is always refreshing to be in a place where you feel really invited and wanted, and at the same time ,at home too. The road trip was amazing, going via Duluth,and stopping by some time at the Moose lake. We hit upon a mini snow storm on our way to Houghton, and it was Karthikk who was driving then. I must say he drove really well, for a visibility of two car lengths ahead.

Judging by the severe weather conditions, and by the fact that we managed to gain an hour in that weather, it gave a huge boost in our confidence about our driving skills.This also resulted in we driving with a total of nine people in our Jeep once for a night drive. We thought we can pretty much drive anywhere. Anywhere was exactly where we were a few days later, in a place we never imagined we would be.

Reluctantly on our way back to Minneapolis, after extending our departure time to include lunch, then extending it further to include dinner too, we finally left for Minneapolis at around 10 pm. We came upon Highway 26. Came across an intersection, Baltic and Trimountain Avenue, from where the GPS told us to take a right. We obeyed. We continued on the road the GPS told us. After a slight left, we again continued, looking at the GPS for directions. The road lights seem to have vanished, and the road itself suddenly started looking a bit ill plowed. We did not remember coming across such a road on our way into Houghton. But we argued that it was snowing hard when we came. The visibility was low. It would be hard to recognize a road in these conditions even if it was the one we had seen before. To add to our confidence that we were on the right track, we saw other tire marks, possibly made by other cars some time ago. We could also see a typical highway sign somewhere ahead. Hence we thought that this must be a small patch of bad road , which would get over soon. And then we also had a pretty powerful vehicle...a 4 wheel drive Jeep Patriot!

So we went ahead, doubting not even a bit about what was lying ahead for us. After some distance into that road, we felt some resistance to the car. It was quite a resistance considering we had a Jeep! That is when we realized we were on a bit of an incline. We could not move ahead because of a thick layer of snow, on the incline. There were no lights anywhere on that road, so we were just trying to map mentally where we were. Finally we decided to turn back to the point where this bad road started.I tried the reverse gear, hoping that at least that should work, it being a stronger gear. It did not work exactly as I hoped it would. The car, while coming down the incline, also turned and skid towards right. This was our first scare. But it was not bad. I was confident about the control on the car, and pretty confident that this would not topple over or something. So , decreasing the reverse acceleration just to be safe, I slowly got the car to face backwards from the way we were stuck initially. Pretty sure that all was well, and we have nothing to worry about, I started slowly on the way back down to the good road.

I must have gone 10 meters or so.I must have been at the bottom of the small incline that I had originally got stuck on .I started moving even further. The car didn't move.Our car seemed to be rooted to the spot. No matter how hard we accelerated, it did not seem to be willing to budge. The deep smell of burning rubbers hit our noses, and we knew something was terribly wrong. I opened the car door only to realize the door was marginally scrapping across a sheet of ice.

This was a "what the heck,f@#k" moment .I looked at Karthikk and he understood something was amiss. We both got out of the car,slowly opening the doors. Again, we tried to see where we were .We just had the car headlights to assist us.We walked a few steps here and there.That is when we saw there was ice beneath us.That is when we saw that that ice was very slightly giving away with our weight. The further I walked, the deeper my feet went into the snow-ice mixture there. The same thought must have crossed both our minds . Were we in a lake? Had we accidentally drove into a lake?A frozen lake? Seriously? This was a "f#$k f#$k f#$k " moment which lasted for about 30 seconds. This realization that we might be on a frozen lake scared the hell out of me. A plethora of thoughts crossed across my mind in that same microsecond .

Are we safe? Is this ice giving away?Am I going to die? Will we get the car out?Will we reach Minneapolis on time? Who's going to get the car out.?Is the car sinking? Should I call my family?Whom should I call? Do I have enough battery?

Panic struck for those 30 seconds. But after that, till the next day night when we finally did reach Minneapolis, it was a series of planned disciplined moves that got us out. I checked the mobile signal.It was there. Thank God. The nearest and first help was Soumya. After taking one more look at the car, I called up Soumya. The first thing I told him was to not panic and that we were safe, and that I had to tell about an accident. He realized from my forced calm tone that things were bad. I described him what happened and told him to start searching for us in his car straight away. We still saw the highway sign up and ahead of us. We informed Soumya that that road was probably highway 26, and he should start looking for us on that highway once he reached the intersection we had hit upon, and that we would walk to that road till then.

We saw that we were in some kind of a bowl. And our car was stuck at the base of the bowl. The highway road was atop , on the rim of the bowl, a couple of floors high above us. We had to get our stuff out of the car. We slowly walked towards the car.Took our laptop bags on our backs, and got the car papers safely into them. Karthikk went in slowly into the car and threw our other luggage towards me. All this while , we had moved a couple of feet to the right of the car, where we were confident we were on land, after looking at a small tree offshoot coming out of the snow! This was where Karthikk was handing me out the luggage. After taking all that we would "need", we threw all our other luggage there, on the incline. We took the car keys, shut the car light and moved away from the car as fast as possible. In this hurry , we forgot to close the car doors. I did not want any of us to go back near the car ,fearing if we were indeed on a lake . We had by then realized, it cannot be really a lake , in terms of size. It was more of a pond.

We walked slowly up the side of the bowl towards the highway. I was using my cell phone light as a guiding light in that dark. Karthikk was reluctant to do that, fearing animals. It turned out later that his fear was right, because that place was actually a wild life reserve. !We climbed on the highway , and then towards some pole light, so that Soumya can find us. Till this time, we had already called him a couple of times to inform about various things. I was trying to call Enterprise car rental's roadside assistance. I had the car papers with me. I got through them, and after the typical customer care call frustration, they finally managed to send me a local towing service.

Soumya , Shantanu and Madhura had by now found us, and Karthikk was showing them the accident site, a top view , from the rim of the bowl and explaining them what happened. I was still on call with the roadside assistance. Even in this panic, Soumya and friends , managed to get us two cups of hot coffee, assuming our feet would be in bad shape by now, and we would need something hot to bounce back. Extremely thoughtful.

We waited at a nearby gas station for the towing guy to come along. He came , and even before we could describe fully what happened, he asked"Was it the GPS?" and nodded in a knowing way and exclaimed .."When are they going to fix that!" . He was referring to the fact that, the road we had gone into was the old highway 26, which was shut off since last five years, but for some reason, never updated on the GPS!!. The new highway 26 was the top road, from where we had come out of the bowl. The GPS still routed people through the old road.Many more cars had gotten stuck there before, but probably, not in a situation as bad as ours.And because it was an old unused road, it was not plowed. The site where we got stuck, had snow all around. There was no bearing where the road was, and where the pond was. It was just barren , uneven and white everywhere. Probably, on a bright summer day, we could have realized that the GPS was wrong. But not that day.Beat that!

I went in his tow truck towards the accident site, while others followed in Soumya's car. After just about a quarter mile into the bad road, the tow guy stopped and declared that he wont go ahead than that. When asked , he said he would not be risking his heavy vehicle into the un-plowed road. His vehicle weighed 18000 pounds. He said he was able and authorized to tow out only those vehicles which were about 100 feet from a plowed road. This was clearly not the case with us. Our Jeep lay at least a quarter mile more ahead. We requested him to take a look at the Jeep from the top , from the point where we were found. We all went there, and he tried to get a look at the situation with his flashlight. He laughed, and then apologized for laughing. He said this was way out of his league. We would need specialized equipment. This was a "off-road" case, and what we needed was not towing, but extraction. And then he left for another call, as if people were getting stuck in snow in that area every minute.!

It was already around 1 in the morning. We left for home,back to Houghton trying to make sense how the accident would have happened, or if we were really in a lake or not. Everyone else in the house was obviously awake. We informed the campus police immediately about the proceedings, who then informed me that they would have to notify 911, so that no one else tows our car away. Fine. Finally the 911 got involved.! There were many loose ends to tie up now and a million things to take care of. I again got on calling roadside assistance and tried to get in touch with Enterprise. Meanwhile, Vikram was helping Karthikk find an alternative flight in cheapest possible deal.It was evident we were not making to Minneapolis on time. The question remained, how much time more? We were not even sure of the next to next day morning. Everyone tried to create a lighter atmosphere , just to increase the cumulative hope ,maybe. But unless one is in such a situation, one wouldn't realize how much those lighthearted humorous talks help to lift our spirits .

Getting some sleep was important. Finally, after tentatively planning the moves for next day, we all retired. Soumya and Shantanu had an important meeting next day with their advisor. Soumya had some important pending work regarding his thesis proposal defense. They had already extended their holidays because of us, and now, this was taking their precious time away. But still , none of them complained.

Around 5 in the morning, I got a call from some guy , I heard his name as Waya. He said he was from the same towing service which had come to assist me earlier, but could not help because of lack of specialised equipment. He asked me if I had got my Jeep out. At 5 in the morning, I thought that was a rhetoric question. He said he had done similar extractions before , and he would be able to help me, and that he was the cheapest in town. Wow, he could say that on that call!. I told him I would get back to him, because I would need to talk to Enterprise first. It was their car, and I was assuming the insurance would be paying to get the car out. So let Enterprise handle it their own way.

I called Enterprise Car Rental at exactly when their office opened. I explained them what happened. And then started discussing about my options. I asked them about insurance.Thats when they dropped their bombshell. They said the insurance did not cover the accident. This was one more "what the heck" moment. I asked them to explain. And then I fought. They said that this was a "off-road" case. The insurance covers only on-road cases. They claimed this was my fault that I drove into water. I tried to desparately explain that this was the GPS problem. And this had happened before on that road with others too. I had no control over what happened. It was not my fault at all. I had simply obeyed the GPS.! I tried to bargain some cost, but they would not relent. I argued and argued a lot. Finally they said they could not gaurantee if they would help, but I was responsible for the car, and I should first get it out.

I was surprised that they did not even try to send me professional help. I was already calculating the money required to get that car out. That too out of our pocket seemed to be mind boggling. I called up Waya and told him he was on. He came in half an hour and took me to the site to survey it. We tried to reach our car through 3 different roads. No use. Finally we parked on the top highway and walked down to the car. Waya seemed to be an honest person. He said he would look at the car, and if it is possible to easily get it out, he would even do it for free. I was relieved even to hear him say that.

We reached the car , and I gave the keys to Waya. He told me to stand away , while he entered the car and tried to budge it. He did some checks, and came out. He looked at me and said.."Ok, this is really bad. I am going to require 3 different kinds of truck to get this thing out. I will also need to notify the 911, because you car has broken through ice, and this is an accident. I think I will drop you back, as there is no use you staying here in this cold.".I told him to go ahead with the car extraction. With his help, we took the bags that we had thrown away on the incline last night, and came back to our house.

We came back, and pretty much prayed and hoped for the best. Started musing over the time to get back to Minneapolis. We had an idea. We looked up the nearest Enterprise, and called them. Explained them what had happened and told them that we needed to get back to Minneapolis as soon as possible. We asked them if it was alright with them if the towing service dropped of the car at their place, and we head of with a new car on the same contract ,to Minneapolis, ahead of time. As it is , we didn't think the extracted car would have been in a drivable state. For the first time, Enterprise consented. There was only one catch. This "nearest" Enterprise was at Marquette, 2.5 hours from Houghton, one way.

When Waya told me he would notify the 911 of the accident, I was infact a bit hopeful , that I would be now able to settle the insurance claim, as there would be an "accident report" generated. Earlier, we did not think there was any report involved, hence no claim!. I called 911 and asked them how to generate that report. They told me to contact the local Sheriff office for that. I did. The officer who spoke to me , first sort of scolded me for not calling in earlier to report the accident. He did not find its mention in his records. I told him the campus police had notified 911, and I thought that, that pretty much notifies everyone. After some more chat, he told me to be at the accident site immediately, as he was sending an officer to investigate.

Now, we had to drop off Madhura and Vikram to the Houghton airport. We barely dropped them at the airport and raced to arrive at the accident site. It was nearing 2 pm. The Marquette Enterprise branch closes at 5.30. So we could not start of to Marquette after 3. Right then, I got a call from Waya , saying he had got the car out. Good job, I thought. He did that in record 2-3 hours!

When we arrived at the accident site, the police officer, Deputy Sheriff Michael Scott(name changed), was already there talking to Waya. He saw us and signaled the driver, me, to come up to him. He took one look at me and asked me why I did what I did. I explained him the whole story and our thought process in going into that road. He seemed convinced. He probably knew the GPS fools people there. He told me to check if the car was in working condition. I tried to rev up the engine on parking gear and it seemed to work. But it was advised that we don't drive the car yet as the bottom carriage of the car was completely frozen, and hence it had to be thawed.

Chapter 2:

He told Waya to take the car for thawing. We intervened, saying that the car be left there, as it was a rental car, and Enterprise would decide what to do with it. We did not want to be responsible for any further cost. We were already deeply financially billed by now we thought.We just wanted to get ourselves out of the mess. He seemed to share our concern.

He took me into his car. Once inside, I could not get out of the car on my own. It was meant to carry criminals. I went in, because it was cold outside. Then he started filling up the accident report. He took down the details of my State ID. He took down the details of the car rental, and the car. He asked for my license. It was an Indian driving license. He was surprised. He said he would have to call up Enterprise to verify, because they did not rent cars on international licenses in MI. He called Enterprise. They verified that they had indeed rented a car to an Indian license.

He started filling them out on the details of the accident, and gathered that they kind of already knew the deal. Probably the person on the other end started stating terms and conditions or some sort of technical talk, so this officer said "Sir, I would give you 200 dollars , and a can of beer, to make things simple for me". I think Enterprise understood what he said. He told Enterprise to take care of their car, and it would be lying at the towing service. We were off our first responsibility.

The officer knew about our plan to go to Marquette.It was almost 3 pm, our deadline to start for Marquette.! So he spoke to Enterprise again, and told them "These gentlemen need to reach Minneapolis tomorrow. They have got exams and all. You nearest location is 2.5 hours one way. So they would need to travel 5 hours just to get the car. I don't think thats a good idea. Why don't you do this..let these gentlemen rent a car from Houghton airport, from whichever rental agency they can, and why don't you reimburse them that rent.?" I was like..wow. Enterprise again consented. This is strange because, we had asked them for exactly a similar favor, and they had declined . It turned out that, National, from where we rented our second car, is again owned by Enterprise. Cops can get things moving! This was our second problem solved.

Then we mentioned to the sheriff that towing services had already taken my credit card details. We feared they might bill us. The officer then called up the towing service head office "Hi there, this is your good looking neighbor calling",I think this is a code or informal way of letting the other person know that a cop is calling. Whatever it is, it sure got the towing service's attention. He told them to not bill us the cost of getting the vehicle out. And then he told Enterprise that the towing agency is going to bill them, and its going to be a "storage", meaning..huge!. This was a major relief. Cope can get things moving! He mentioned to Enterprise not to bill us, as we seemed to have purchased all kinds of insurance, and were hence fully covered.

I expressed a concern that the National car rental might not accept my Indian license, as we were in MI now. He frowned. He said they would probably accept, if you show them your reciept from Enterprise. So once they know that Enterprise had rented out to us, they would have no problems. But then, he gave us his phone number and asked us to call just in case we had problems renting the car.

He then continued to fill the accident report. He looked at me and asked"Were you drinking then?" and before I could answer , he said "Probably not". He had to come out of the car and open the door for me, becaue it could be opened only from outside. I told him, that this was my first time in a criminal car. He laughed and said "In a good way , though".I laughed too. He then said to Soumya, who was going to drive us to Marquette, "Shoma..is that right?. Ya. change of plans. You are not going to Marquette.You are going to airport" and then explained his new plan. Soumya was happy that some American finally could almost pronounce his name.

After the sheriff left, we , relieved, started back for the airport. Just before a nearby gas station, we saw the same sheriff wave us over.We were a bit perplexed as to why he would wave us over now? We went near him and stopped. He said he wanted to call up the car rental and settle any concerns once for all.So that we would definitely not have any problems renting the car. We were amazed at this cop. He actually called National and told them"Two gentlemen will come to you now. They need a car to Minneapolis. Have it ready for them", and then told National what had happened.The sheriff then took a look at the car that we came in . It was Shantanu's car, some Victoria car, used by cops long ago. It was not exactly in good shape. And he exclaimed, "Thats the car you should be driving into the water , guys!" . We all laughed, and then we took a picture with him.Cops can get things moving!

We were all praise for this cop. One hour ago, we were in a big mess. This guy came along, like a guardian angel, and smoothed out things for us. I could not beleive someone could be this nice, especially to us, in this foreign land.

The ride to Minneapolis, in newly rented Toyota Corolla was nearly hiccup free , and we finally settled back. Me in Minneapolis and Karthikk in Boston. I reached late night at around 1 am , and then gave a tennis practical final exam in the morning. All said and done, I went to Enterprise , in Minneapolis to settle the rentals in the evening.

I had too many issues with Enterprise. First of all, they reimbursed only 50$ from my new car rental. I thought the sheriff meant full reimbursement. And then, the guy at the front desk told me "You know you have to pay for the car damages right?"I was taken aback. I again fought with them. Argued with them. I had thought what the sheriff told them on the phone would be enough. I had taken all kinds of insurance. They said that that did not cover "off road" cases. I told them it was not my fault. I thought it was "on road due" to the GPS. And I mentioned that if"off road" was such a concern, they should have told me that when I purchased the insurance. What they had simply told me was that my insurance covered"everything". They said they did not mention me that, because they did not think such a case would happen. Then they also started blaming me for a old GPS. I told them it was brand new!! The guy told me "We don't even know if the car is salvable or not yet. " I said, "so, what if it is not salvable?".He bluntly replied "You pay the car cost, which is roughly 15000 $.". I was cursing that guy in my mind like anything. Did he really think I would give him 15000 $ for a no fault of mine? He eventually filled up their own accident report, and gave the copies of that. He said I would get a call from the insurance agency. He told the matter was not in their hands anymore, and there was no point arguing with them. Sure there wasn't. After all, when they are insured in house , they would obviously would want me to pay for damages!

I came home and tried to call sheriff who had helped us. I was told he is not on duty that day, and would return Friday by some other officer. Though I thought Enterprise was crazy, I was sure they would make me pay a lot for it. I was scared and desperate. And then this was legal matters!. I wrote an email to the sheriff, also to thank him for what he had already done, not really expecting he would read or reply to that, and definitely not before Friday. This was Wednesday still. I had obtained the email from his office.I was so happy a day before, after the sheriff had seamlessly got us out of the mess. And now this new problem!!

At 11 pm in the night, I got an email. It was the sheriff's reply. This sheriff was amazing. He actually replied to me.! I cannot state the contents here, but he agreed with my views, and told me that he knew it was not my fault, and he would do everything in his right to not let anybody take "advantage" of me. Bless this man. Since then, a row of correspondences have happened between me , sheriff, and the insurance claim agency. The sheriff gave a written explanation to them about what exactly happened. He explained the old and new highway story. He told them the GPS still routes the wrong road.He sent me a copy of the report and the explanation. The sheriff also kind of mentioned that the State should have clearly marked or closed that area off. He mentioned, in his 19 years of being a law enforcement officer, this was the oddest accident he had seen.

The claim is still being investigated. The insurance agency is trying to contact the Department of Transport, MI to verify.There is no verdict yet.

But this incident has left me in good faith. Soumya, Shantanu, managed to balance their critical work and help us out. At a point, they even took turns staying with us. Others, Andy, Gayatri, also pitched in to help quite a bit.And there were others who continuously dropped in a reassuring word. A heartfelt thanks to all of you.We were all in awe of this police officer. This guy helped us unconditionally. This was the max help I could expect. It just made me wonder if we have these kind of law enforcement officers back in India. I did not want to think about it.

Sometimes, things happen in our lives, which re-instill our faith in god. But some, re-instill our faith in men.

Nachiket Mehta
Safe and sound, back in Minneapolis
12.17.08